We all have wrestled with forgiveness at some point in our lives. The reality of living in this world is that we will get hurt. Jesus made forgiveness obligatory for His followers. 

But what is forgiveness?

Releasing of debt

It is the releasing of a debt we are owed by someone sinning (intentionally or unintentionally) against us.

If you lend someone $10k and they don’t pay you back, forgiveness is where you don’t send them the bill anymore. They owe you nothing.

This is what it means when we say that “Forgiveness resets the standard.”

It is from the heart

35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters[m] from your heart.” Mat 18:35

Although forgiveness is from the heart it is more of an act of will, and as Kris Vallotton says it not necessarily “a manifestation of desire”.

If I am owed $10k by someone and I let them off their debt it probably isn’t going to feel good.

Forgiveness is the beginning of the process out of pain

How to process pain healthily

There are a number of misconceptions about pain.

Pain is not bad

Pain is part of what makes you human. Jesus felt every range of emotion under the sun but He didn’t sin. It is what you do with your feelings that counts.

  • Pain is not part of our fallen nature
  • Pain won’t go away with time

Trauma sits there. It impacts the developing brains of males and females differently, according to a new study from the Stanford University School of Medicine and the Early Life Stress and Pediatric Anxiety Program.

How to process our pain

  • Be real with your pain
  • Allow your heart to speak
  • Name your pain out loud
  • Don’t self medicate your pain: Internet, Facebook your pain, porn alcohol
  • Don’t attach judgement to pain, it amplifies pain
  • Speak to God about your pain 
  • Don’t make big decisions when in pain
  • Cry – it is our built in release valve
  • Root out any lies that you might embrace
  • If stuck in pain, seek help


Matti was born in the UK and lived there until 2001 when he moved with his New Zealand wife, Jodie, to her homeland. He worked in online travel marketing up until 2004, when he attended Bible College to train as a pastor. Following his training he led a Baptist Church in Auckland for a number of years before moving with his family to Redding, California where Matti and Jodie attended the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. They then returned for two years to London, UK where they led a pioneering ministry, ministering in Central London, training and equipping believers to see the Kingdom of God in and through their lives.Over this time they saw God move on the streets of London seeing signs, wonders and miracles and numbers of people saved. In August 2016 he accepted a call to lead New Life Church Kelowna. Matti and his wife Jodie have 3 children, Grace, Olivia and William. He loves the outdoors, socialising and having fun.

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